Solutions for people who are overly self-conscious

There are many people who can't help but worry too much about what others think of them. This can cause a lot of hassle and trouble for them. 


Today, I'd like to talk about something for these people. 


We all have experienced a time when we were concerned about how others perceive us, especially during adolescence.   

In adolescence, we become more conscious of the opposite sex, and so we worry about how we are viewed by those around us. 

 Adolescence is probably the best time to get married, biologically speaking. 

In modern times, people marry much later, probably because of economic reasons. 

 In today's society, it’s not until 18 years after birth that someone graduates from high school or 22 years after to graduate from college because of the need to learn a lot of knowledge. 

In addition, it often takes even longer until they are to some extent financially secure. 


This is why people tend to get married later and later in life. 

 Marriage is delayed just because of the way society is, but biologically it's probably time to get married and have children around puberty. 

Therefore, this is also the time to find a partner, so we are more conscious of making ourselves look good and searching for a partner. 


This is one reason why they are concerned about the opinions of others and become overly self-conscious. 


Another reason is that adolescence is a time when they are not yet able to establish ourselves. 

It is a time of confusion and distress because they do not yet know who they are. 


Because of this lack of self-identity, they become curious about others and are concerned about what others think of them. 

This is a time when one's self-esteem is not yet firmly established, so one may be overly concerned about others. 


Another reason is that adolescence is a time when we envision the ideal image we want to have. 

They envision what they want to be and create an ideal image of what they want to be in the future. 


This is also the time when we strongly consider how we are seen by the people around us and what kind of person we are. 

In order to think about who you are now and what path you should take in the future, you have to look at yourself through the eyes of those around you. 


In order to look at yourself this way, and to envision the ideal image that you should seek, you should consider the viewpoint of others, and how you are currently perceived by them. 


As you can see, during adolescence, people tend to worry a lot about what others think of them. 

It is not unnecessary though. It is meaningful and it is a process that we go through for our future. 

 However, even after puberty, there are times when people are still worried about how they are perceived.  

In this case, it becomes a source of suffering and needs to be eliminated. 


First of all, the reason why you worry too much about what others think of you is because you are not confident in yourself. 

Because of this lack of self-confidence, we tend to elevate the opinions of others and suppress our own. 


For those who lack self-confidence, it is a good idea to start by accumulating successes, even if it is only a little at a time, and praise yourself. 

For example, you can study hard to get a qualification, or you can start with a simple qualification, but it would be good to study hard and get it. 


In this way, you can build up your achievements little by little. 

By accumulating small successes, you will start to gain confidence in yourself. 


In many cases, people who severely lack self-confidence still have thorns in their side that are still stinging them from past experiences. 


For example, if you have failed in front of others, you may have a lack of self-confidence. 

You may have experienced a failure in front of others where they laughed at you, and since then you have lost your confidence. 

Or, if a child is exposed to negativity from his parents at home, he may not have confidence in himself. 


In the poem I introduced yesterday, "Children are the Mirror of Their Parents," it says, "If you make fun of your children, they will become withdrawn. 


If you were not praised much as a child, or if you were denied as a child, you may not have confidence in yourself, and you may become overly concerned about others. 


It is important to look back at your past. If there are experiences that caused this, remember them and try to pull out these thorns to heal the wounds. 


And the only way to get rid of being overly self-conscious is to become an adult and establish yourself. 


You can do your job with pride and try to make a good family. 

If you are dedicated to your work, you won't have to worry about what others think of you. 

If you live your life well and establish yourself, you will not be overly concerned about what others think. 


From a spiritual point of view, people who are overly concerned about the attention of others tend to be overly sensitive to the feelings of others. 


They are highly sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others. 

In order to have a clear boundary between yourself and others, it is a good idea to create a transparent barrier around you. 


This will prevent unwanted thoughts from others from entering your boundary. 


I hope you find the above helpful! 

                                                                                                                             Translated by Yuki Naito